Live Ready
A Guide to Protecting Yourself In An Uncertain World
By Sam Rosenberg
ISBN 978-1960378149
eBook, $9.08, $3.05 softbound on Amazon.com, 408 pages
Reviewed by Gila Hayes
John Steinbeck’s famous observation that, “The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental,” echoes across every page of the book I studied this month. The author’s approach is right, in my opinion, for several reasons.
Many books are sold about self-defense skills, and some are useful as textbooks for training classes, but a “how-to” book intended to teach defensive tactics or shooting technique is doomed because it reaches only one third of the “Tell-Show-Do” instructional model.
Instead, Sam Rosenberg’s book, Live Ready, “is about developing that powerful, resilient, confident psychology that will carry over to every aspect of your life.” His introduction expresses a goal for readers to become “stronger, more resilient, more capable, and better equipped” and right up front, he acknowledges, “This has very little to do with the actual, physical act of self defense; rather, it has very much to do with the idea that humans fundamentally need to feel secure, and that genuine sense of security cannot come from outside forces. That genuine sense of security is entirely up to you.”
He theorizes that even highly successful people suffer from the primal knowledge that they are unable to protect their families and themselves. Rosenberg should know; his career has spanned service in the Marines, law enforcement, close protection work, and teaching personal defense skills. A number of Live Ready’s lessons are introduced through experiences with his clients.
Throughout the book, Rosenberg decries the pervasive “myth of helplessness to which we’ve all been conditioned.” This mistaken belief supposes that the attacker holds all the cards, when in reality, as long as you don’t relinquish control, you decide the outcome, he writes. Create fear of failure in the mind of the attacker. They might get hurt, killed, or go to jail. The bad guy needs to figure out what creates the least personal risk by “interviewing” victims. The interview is so common, that, in addition to the opportunity for the intended victim to prove they’re an unsuitable victim, the pervasiveness of interviews also disproves the idea that violence is random and unpredictable.
News reports encourage the premise that unthinkable violence, like school shootings, is random. That appeals to people, he thinks, because the unpredictable is beyond your control; you can’t be blamed if it hurts you. He also decries the common layman’s idea that murderers are mentally ill because “crazy or otherwise, their actions are a choice,” he writes. Likewise, choosing to defend against violence is a choice we make.
Rosenberg discusses why the often-repeated phrase “fight or flight” is only a partial description of the physiological reaction to life-threatening danger. Facing death, the mind can choose from many options: “fight, flee, freeze, submit, or pretend to submit to create an opportunity to fight back; we may negotiate, bargain, or use deception; the list goes on.” He discusses overtraining skills to the level of unconscious competence to remain functional when stress “redlines.” Even trained fighters are frightened in real life, where fear in chaotic and unpredictable circumstances makes “complex athletic moves” nearly impossible, he writes, recommending tactical breathing to bring the nervous system under control, lower heart rate, and “bring you back from the Red Zone to the performance zone so you can think and make decisions.” The goal “should be to ensure that you can think and make decisions under pressure—that you can override your limbic system’s default into tonic immobility or panic, so that you can keep your wits about you.”
Rosenberg turns next to how predators approach likely victims. Rule One: “If you’re uncomfortable with someone, and that person approaches you (in any way), treat it as an interview.” That can vary from asking the time, cat calls, or a challenging, ‘What are you looking at?’ Each is intended accomplish the same thing, he explains, “engage you in an interview ... to determine whether you are a hard or soft target.” The same could be said for most approaches, he writes, but explains “This is why it’s so important to know the difference between a normal interaction and a potentially dangerous approach. The key differentiator is: how does the approach make you feel? If it makes you uncomfortable, or it turns uncomfortable, be careful.”
Look for “incongruencies, body language and facial expressions, threat displays, and other warning signs...any obvious threat displays, limbic indicators, weapons, or other discernable warning signs,” and trust your radar and don’t deny that your warning system just went off. Leave, don’t engage, “Keep moving, and simply don’t respond. Let the Bad Guy know that you see him. Do this by looking at his face or chest, but don’t make prolonged eye contact as that can be interpreted as an invitation for further engagement. Regardless of what he says, simply stay calm, ignore the verbal tactics, and keep moving.”
When circumstances prevent moving out of range, derail the criminal’s plan. Rosenberg teaches “pattern-interrupt” methods to “create a pause to give you the opportunity to keep moving.” Don’t stop, just say “I’m sorry, I can’t help you” coupled with the “stop sign” hand position he teaches. Adjust your words’ volume to suit the situation. He writes, “There’s no predatory approach interview question that this simple statement can’t deflect. If you keep moving and pattern-interrupt the approach in this manner you are sending a clear message that you have no intention of being interviewed, all in a manner that gives you control without disrespecting the Bad Guy.”
Disengagement is not always possible. Predators prefer victims who are hobbled in some way. Rosenberg illustrates, “You may be with your young children or elderly parents, or you have your hands full of groceries, or you’re otherwise encumbered and just can’t leave quickly enough. Or you could find yourself in a scenario where ... retreat is not tactically viable, and you have to either back him down or peremptorily escalate to defensive measures,” or what started as a benign social situation starts to feel risky.
Your best tool is distance, he stresses first, observing that not only do bad guys like to intentionally create discomfort by invading your personal space, in that situation, “if that Bad Guy wants to hit, stab, or tackle you, you will not have the physiological reaction time necessary to respond.” He adds, if forced into a close quarter “interview,” what you say is less important than how you speak and the accompanying actions. Quoting popular animal behaviorist Cesar Milan, Rosenberg recommends calm/assertive body language that communicates unwillingness to engage with the bad guy. He adds that it “takes practice and steadfastness, but the mindset is worth cultivating—not only for managing interviews, but for managing all of the difficulties life throws at you.”
Rosenberg writes a good chapter on stalkers and social situations that make victims hesitant to stop abusers. He reminds readers, “No matter what the situation, just because someone wants to hurt you doesn’t mean they can. Ultimately, you are the final arbiter in the equation, and there are always situational factors you can control,” he urges, adding, “you are responsible for your own protection and must make those critical decisions. If avoidance fails, and you must take physical action to defend yourself and your loved ones, you have the power to do so. But first you must be both willing and able.”
With this, he segues into his instruction on self-defense use of force. First, he frankly addresses complexity in force options, noting that self-defense instruction needs to prepare students to “recognize danger in advance, manage interviews, and know unequivocally, if they had to take physical action, what that action should be...become problem solvers...within a framework that is technically, legally, and morally viable in the real world.” The process needs “to be as simple and intuitive as driving a car.”
He tells of a student frozen by indecision, mentally sorting through various options he had been taught. Simplify the decision of what to do in response to attack to one “single, carefully selected, and reflexively trained response” to one stimulus, Rosenberg writes. Escape remains the top priority all along the timeline, be that disengaging early on or using any means available to break contact and get away.
Introducing legal use of deadly force, Rosenberg notes that he’s not teaching the laws or giving legal advice, aiming instead to give a foundation so readers can evaluate and choose the best instruction for the discipline. Students grasp principles like reasonableness, proportionality, and immediacy, Rosenberg comments, but express concern over how they’re “supposed to figure all of this out in the heat of the moment.” He recommends training to develop the defense skills, but also urges readers to make sure “the tactics you learn will be legally compliant.” He returns to his book’s philosophy, observing, “To me, this is the essence of Living Ready. To be peaceful is not to be helpless; it is to have the capacity to do violence if need be, but to never do so inappropriately.”
How to reach this state? Decide what you are training for. Choose and become skilled at defense techniques that scale effectively for people of various sizes and strength, work appropriately across a spectrum of dangers, and remain functional under stress. Start your preparation in four steps, he advises.
- First, make an assessment that asks the right questions. “Are there vulnerabilities in your life?” Identify them, determine which you can mitigate, set your safety goals and work out how to implement them without loss of quality of life. He illustrates “the Deny, Deter, Defend continuum for every space in which we regularly spend our time,” using the example of home security.
- The second step is planning. For instance, threats inside the home merit considerably different responses than threats outside, Rosenberg writes. Threats differ, too. If plans suggest sheltering inside the home for long periods, stockpiled supplies like water, medical supplies, and stored foods are essential.
- Next comes the step of preparation. Examples include fixing weak locks or easily breached windows, without impeding egress in the case of fire or other emergencies inside.
- Finally, remember that provisions alone are not enough. You have to practice. Rosenberg observes, “You can spend all the money in the world on smoke detectors, gas masks, and fire evacuation ladders that your child keeps in her bedroom, but if you don’t actually test and train with these devices, how will you know that they will help in an emergency? ... Rehearsing emergency procedures at home might sound over the top to some, but it is the only way to effectively evaluate how your plans and training would work in a real-world situation.”
Don’t let complexity overwhelm you. Rosenberg writes that being ready to preserve your own life and your family’s grows more natural with each practice rep. “Start with the broadest, simplest lessons,” he explains, “The more you train, the more your skills improve, and the more natural and second nature your response becomes. The more confidence you gain in your ability to protect yourself, your home, and your loved ones from harm, the less fear the threat of violence will induce.”
Your situation is never hopeless, Rosenberg stresses. “Fighting back is not suicide. Suicide is doing nothing. Suicide is having your options taken from you by your limbic system and freezing into tonic immobility, where the decision on whether you live or die falls to the discretion of the Bad Guy,” he urges.
He closes Live Ready by observing that mindset “ensues” from knowing what to do and how to do it, adding, “True personal power doesn’t derive from wealth, or physical strength, or illusions of control; it comes from our capacity to choose our own responses...ultimately, it’s the emotional muscle you build that enables you to survive and thrive in this dangerous world.”